“Quit doing that”, Julie is yelling at me from across the diner table. I continued to clean my fingernails with the end of my pencil, “Can’t you do that on your own time?”
I wanted to hit her. Never hit a woman. I grinned, “Shut up, or I’m gonna fuck you sore”. She knew I was serious. My leg is twitching under the table, a habitual fit, all the downers in the world wouldn’t stop it.
“I want to go to Vegas”, shoving half of a pancake in her mouth, “nom nom nom”
“Don’t talk to me with food in your mouth”
Sticking her tongue out, then swallowing, “Why? you do gross shit all the time!”
“Because one of these days I’m gonna vomit all over, and then who will take the blame?”, I smiled with big cigarette stained teeth.
“But you’ll still love me..”
“.. Even if I don’t love you back”
I bit my lip, knowing it was true. Setting a handful of change on the table, mostly quarters, “I love you now“.
I took a long pause while lighting another cigarette, “I think so”
She laughed, god that smile, I’ll never forget that smile, “That’s why I won’t marry you”
That was how our relationship worked, a mutual belief that the other one of us was madly in love. But faith wears, life wears, trust, it all wears.
I finished my cigarette without another word, she went on about nothings and I excused myself from the bathroom. Piss stained walls, and a sober man throwing up in the stall next to me…